Religion in America, Goldilocks style

You don't have to be Alexis de Tocqueville to notice we Americans are a finicky lot. Just take a gander at any retail chain and the consumption couldn't be more conspicuous. Clothes, fast food, cars, dildos - all purchases must conform to our personal specifications, which change roughly every 15 minutes depending on what new features become available.

That said, it comes as no surprise that we treat religion with the same care and attention, that is to say, none.

Via Time:

With all of those choices, choosing a church (or mosque or synagogue or temple) isn’t just a matter of theology for many Americans. They might decide where to worship because they adhere to a broad tradition — like Protestantism — or because they are drawn to a particular denomination, sub-denomination, or even an individual congregation. Or they might choose based on location or children’s activities or the quality of preaching or music or pot-luck offerings. The concept of church-shopping itself is uniquely American.

Am I alone here in thinking that children's activities and pot-luck offerings shouldn't affect one's cosmology? Is anyone actually concerned with, I don't know, the truth? The friendly mosque down the street could serve fizzy lifting drinks and ice cream made from puppy wishes; it still wouldn't be evidence that Mohammad flew to heaven on a winged horse.

Like the quote above, most religion articles and polls tend to assume a dichotomy between our current à la carte faiths and some nostalgic, "pure" version of religions past. A cursory study of the history of our religions puts this claim to bed rather quickly. They are, after all, fraught with disagreements, reinventions, clashes, inquisitions, wars, and this thing:

There simply is no such thing as uncontaminated religion. The mix-and-match mentality was just as alive in the 1st century as it is today. The only difference is that modern religions draw on a deeper reserve of ridiculousness. (Watch The X-Files all the way through if you want to experience a similar trajectory.)

Still, I admit it would be kinda funny if the divine mechanics of the multi-verse somehow hinged on pot-lucks.

PS - In case you were wondering, the above item is a medieval "breast ripper," used by religious fanatics to slowly shred the breasts of women accused of heresy, blasphemy, and erotic white magic. Quaint, huh?