Mac vs. PC: Our religious war?

Recently I've been investigating Macs. About a year ago I purchased an HP laptop and have been, for the most part, satisfied with its performance. (After watching five seasons of LOST, however, it probably could have doubled as a heating pad.) But I figured why not check out the competition.

Anyway, when I launched into my voyage of Mac discovery I noticed three things right way:

1. Holy shit.

2. Getting unbiased reviews of Macs is like trying to piece together a rational argument from a 4chan thread. PC advocates produce long-winded defenses with more jargon than a poststructuralist critique of James Joyce while the other side comes off sounding like a Scientology press release.

3. How much the Mac/PC debate resembles the Middle East. Seriously, you've got two groups operating faithfully in defense of systems that, while certainly different, aren't exactly apples and oranges. It's not as if PCs are microchip-based computing machines and Macs are holographic, water-based salvation devices that allow users to slip the surly bonds of Earth to touch the face of God. They're both fucking computers. Christ. Likewise with your different shades of monotheism. Pick your poison, friends.

All I want is a straightforward analysis of the pros and cons of each system without all the slavish devotion. Is that too much to ask?

Same deal with religion. The faithful are nothing but metaphysical fanboys, each playing up the positives and ignoring the downsides of their favorite mythology. Meanwhile the rest of us are stuck sitting in the middle of the bullshit teeter-totter.

Well, Yahweh and Allah are both imaginary pricks, and Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are both assholes.

Can a guy get some truth up in this bitch?

Atheism versus religion... short version

Right-click to be saved

Ever had this problem? You want to commune with the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, but that would mean prying yourself away from Facebook for three whole seconds. What to do...

Via Huffpo:

The World Wide Web has become the hottest place to build a church. A growing number of congregations are creating Internet offshoots that go far beyond streaming weekly services.

The sites are fully interactive, with a dedicated Internet pastor, live chat in an online "lobby," Bible study, one-on-one prayer through IM and communion. (Viewers use their own bread and wine or water from home.) On one site, viewers can click on a tab during worship to accept Christ as their savior.

A few techie questions.

1. Suppose accepting Christ required right-clicking. Would Mac users be screwed?

2. When receiving holy communion, does it matter which IM program you use? While I can see God more or less allowing the sacrament via IRC, could you really partake of the body of Christ through something called Camfrog? Also, can Catholics expect full transubstantiation to occur in the comfort of their own homes or does that require a premium upgrade of some kind?

3. After clicking the "accept Jesus" tab, does hitting the "back" button cancel that?

Well, this sounds perfectly reasonable

What's worse than razor blades in the apples? Demons!

And to poo poo Pat Robertson and the craaazy demon lady, they get... another minister who presumably believes in the same thing, only less overtly stupid.

Another of God's wondrous ideas

Disgusting habits are a dime a dozen in nature, but they're always worth pointing out to Christians, if only because they pretty much ruin the creationist's vision of a perfect architect.

My new favorite example is the Pronghorn. Aside from some kickass stats (they're widely acknowledged as the fastest land mammals to inhabit the Americas), they're young also have a curious tendency that, while it actually serves a practical purpose, is nevertheless awesomely sickening.

Via answers.com:

After giving birth, a doe licks the entire fawn, but grooming of the anogenital region soon takes precedence over generalized licking and continues after each suckling bout until the fawn is two to three weeks old. During such grooming bouts, fawns assume a distinctive rump-up posture and eliminate, while the mother ingests the urine and feces.

You read that right. While Mom is busy making junior presentable, baby pronghorn maneuvers himself rearward, puckers up, and takes a shit directly into her mouth. Praise Jesus!

The Aristocrats.

Plugged In as irony-deaf as ever

Over at Plugged In, where I get all my Christian pop culture analysis, they've posted a review of the latest entry in the neverending Saw franchise. (Is it just me or did Saw V leave the dollar theaters about a month ago? Crank these things out any faster and they're gonna create a vortex of suck.)

Anyway, one line really stood out. See if you can detect the sledgehammer-like irony that completely escaped the reviewer.

Just as in every other installment in this franchise, we’re meant to believe that Jigsaw’s horrific punishment of his victims is because they don’t appreciate the good things they have in life.

Only part of that is positive, of course. Valuing life: good. Horrific punishments for not valuing life: bad.

The entire doctrine of salvation is contingent on a big horrific punishment for those who fail to properly "value" life, isn't it?

If you think about it, Saw VI comes off like a Disneyland vacation by comparison. It only lasts 90 minutes. Hell's running time is forever.